This job that I currently have is the first ‘real’ job I’ve had since before I got pregnant with Fred. I left a really bad job before I got pregnant, and once I got two beautiful pink lines I knew I would always be home with my baby. Then Bamcame alone and it was the same. We went without a lot and things were tight, but I honestly didn’t care. The alternative was not an option. I took little side jobs to help out, babysitting, cleaning the nursery toys at church, and even a try at nursery director. All of these things could be done with my babies next to me where they needed to be.
Well my Bam started kindergarten this year and it is full days, Monday through Friday. He loves his school and loves full days so that makes me happy. But as the school year approached I knew I needed to find a job. As the school year has past by in a shockingly fast pace, I still love my job. I love being out of the house, I love kissing my babies as they head off to school and then seeing their cute little faces as they step off that massive bus every afternoon. I’m also enjoying a little pay check once a month, I won’t deny that!
BUT…. as the busy days pass I realize how much time I had to do my job here at home while I was an at home mom. Laundry, dishes, floors, bedding, baseboards….. my house in general! I hate the feeling I get when I walk into my house after work and see a sink full of breakfast dishes and a washer full of wet clothes* needing to be put in the drier. It makes my heart sink and and my whole day goes into a slump. I feel so guilty when the weekend comes around and I spend most of my time cleaning a weeks worth of nasty house while all I really want to be doing is being lazy with my guys after a long week. It has gotten a lot better since school first started and I had NO schedule at all. I didn’t know which way I was going most times. But it’s just not the same as being here. My house was my job for 9 years. I was good at it and I loved doing it. I just don’t have that attitude anymore and that just stinks. I really have no idea what do do about any of this, but I have been told that the first year back to work is the hardest so I’m holding on to that thought with everything I have. It’s all I’ve got to go on right now. That and Christmas Break is getting closer and closer. And I’ve realized I really miss my boys. I am counting the days til we can pretend for a week or two that things never changed and I’m still an at home mom with my little ones close by for whenever they need something. No cares or harsh schedules. Just one day at a time. With a clean house!
This too shall pass…… right?
*Just so you know my washer has a delay on it so I can have the load of wash finish right as I’m getting home…. I don’t have wet clothes sitting in my machine all day…. ewww!!