Soccer is over so in my perfect pretend wold, I’m expecting everything to calm down a little. And well, if life has taught us anything….. it’s that my perfect pretend world is, well, pretend!
OK so it’s not that bad. I think I’m feeling a little better than I was earlier. I don’t know what comes over me sometimes. The overwhelming feeling is more than I can deal with sometimes. Jason and I went out for breakfast last week. It was so nice to spend some time with him finally. I love that his sits so quietly and listens and then tells my what I need to hear. How did I get so lucky? How is it that when I’m feeling so down and out of control, all he needs to do is hold my hand and suddenly nothing seems so bad anymore? So we have a game plan to slow us down a little. We don’t know if it’ll work out as well as it seems on paper, but I think it’s worth the drive as long as I’ve got my 3 guys with me!
Now I need to do a search and find out how to get the dead shoe smell off the 7 y/o’s cast. That thing reeks!!!
..is not what I have when it comes to writing to my blog. Obviously. I have been slightly busy though. My life as a self proclaimed soccer mom keeps me busy. We have been eating 2 dinners a week in the car, 1 in the church kitchen, and the other 4 at home, or a restaurant, because I’m to tired to unwilling to do it myself. I hate that! So I have a dilemma that maybe typing out will help me solve, or at least admit to because I have to see the words I wrote.
I’m in a funk…. or something. I don’t really know what to call it because I don’t really know what it is. I have a list of junk I need to do everyday. Well, I use the word list loosely, mainly because I don’t write lists. Grocery lists don’t count. I feel like I could sit on the couch and stare into the wall all day and still get the same amount of stuff done. I hate this lazy, procrastinating feeling that I can’t get over. I am busy constantly though it seems. I’m running boys to school, I’m running to Bible Study 2x’s a week, I’m working in classes, I’m teaching Sunday school and Wednesday night classes, I’m at soccer practices and games, I’m pretending keep house, I’m being a wife and mom. It’s draining sometimes, and I know I’m not the first to write about it, but I feel this weighed down feeling more and more often lately. I do not feel as though I am depressed. I’m just to busy and I don’t know what to cut out. And to be honest, those things keep me going because they are fun, but by the time I get home and see that pile of laundry or dishes, I’m tired and/or apathetic. If anyone knocked on my door right now, I would not be ashamed to let them in, and this is the case most of the time, but it’s the feeling inside of me that I’m not doing enough and I really don’t care… but not in a positive way. I thinks it’s a level of perfectionism that I expect from myself and I’m no where near reaching it so it’s got me in a funk. I often catch myself thinking that if I change my circumstances, my attitude or problems will change. How many more times must I be disappointed before I see the truth?! Please someone tell me I’m not the only one who goes through this thought process!
Oh, and in other news Fred broke his arm in a tragic mishap with the monkey bars. If you ever get the itch to rumble with the monkey bars, remember, they rarely lose….. see link for pictures.